Hey everyone :-)
I'm currently in a 'not so good but also not so bad' situation and mental health. I mean, i'm now on my 2nd week of college life and it's quite... confusing. Actually no it's not confusing it's just that, you know, i got this mixed feeling about everything that might happen in the future. I've set my goals (on my goalsboard as always) yet i still feel like that's not enough.
I dont really understand about this mixed feelings that i 'm feeling right now but i'm trying the best that i could to translate it into words. I'm gonna start from everything new that i got in college.
My classes are fine. I mean i haven't got any challenging tasks or lecturers so far but of course i will face lots of challenges in the future. My lecturers are doing fine, some of them are super boring. I always slept in one of my class (i have 2 classes in a day and i always sleep mostly on the first class).
My new friends are okay. Some of them really get along with me easily, some of them im... sorta avoid just because i dont feel like im gonna be a good friend with them. And what i love about this people is i could be more "myself" in front of them. For example, okay this might sounds disgusting but whenever i'm feeling horny as fuck i could just say it out loud and they don't even mind CAUSE THEY'RE LIKE SO OPEN MINDED and sometimes they are just as wild as i am or even wilder :')
My friends are just fine... my classes are just fine... But i always feel like there's something that i haven't done or haven't got. I feel like there's something missing in this part of my transition life from a high school student to a college student. AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS THAT. Well i actually think that might be caused of this 'no lover and no one to love' situation but im not really sure... What's that? What's this missing piece???
If you have any idea, tell me.
But one thing i know for sure is that i do need a boyfriend, or at least someone to talk to. To share each other's thoughts, to laugh and joking around together (lol im a sanguins i do really love to joke literally about almost anything), to go somewhere trying some new cafe or watch movies, to be my number one supporter and to be the one i always come to whenever something's not right. I need that person.
That, might be the missing part that i need. Just maybe, i'm not really sure about it. In fact, i'm not really sure about anything for now. Anything could happen. I could change, my habits could change. My friends could change. Everything could change just in a second even before i realize it's changing.
And to be honest, i'm not sure if i want the change.
(i don't know how to end this pointless and confusing post so i'm just gonna leave it there. xoxo, Nedita <3 )
p.s: i'm writing this while listening to ardhito pramono's songs on youtube lol if only i found someone like him in my surroundings i would definitely in love with him.