Sunday, November 5, 2017

I Feel Nothing - just a late night thoughts and doesn't even counted as a post

.... not literally but i mostly feel nothing. Especially when it comes to guys and love things i mean I DO still desperately need to find the man of my dream but now im looking back to every guy who used to be my dream guys, i feel nothing. Yet now what im looking for is someone just like them. And then i came to this thought like there are no benefits nor anything make sense for me to find a guy that is basically the same type. THEN WHY DO I STILL WANT TO HAVE THE SAME KIND OF GUY???????

Why im not, like, just spontaneusly date a literal different type of guy? Just to check whether 'the dream guy type' is really the one that works for me or is it just the type that i admired to have.

Sounds ridiculous? Definetely.

HOW COME i date a different type of guy if deep inside me i know the dream guy type is the only type that im physically and mentally attracted to?

Okay i consider the matter is closed. Yes, i found exactly no solution but i have to admit i wont discuss this any longer. Just let God do the thing and gave me the best path i could have.


Monday, October 2, 2017

you are what you think

Hellooo! back again with me as the content writer of this whole blog that spoke of almost everything on my mind. Not literally everything tho wkwkwk just some good shit and weird but hopefully helpful theories of mine :D

Okay so before i jump into the actual thing, i have to tell you an introduction story of mine that related with the topic and this story somehow lead myself to be the way i am today. Note: this post might be the longest post i've ever write in my life.

It all begins in the middle of my elementary school. Since i was a kid, i'm not the 'eye-catching' type of girl, although i was (and still) a dominant and super extrovert person in my circle. In my school, there was a group of girls, well i can say, some pretty girls. And just like any other society, people thought they are special just because they were seen as a bunch of pretty girls and some of them are quite intimidating. And obviously, i'm not a part of them. 

Back then, i'm amazed of everything that they were and the fact that everything they were are everything that i'm not, kinda lower my self esteem BACK THEN. I should tell you that i'm not this insecure kid anymore :)). Okay back to the story. I used to wonder why people treated them differently from the others, why people admitted and agreed that they were special (which now i realized that some of them are not special at all), why did it all couldn't happened to me? I mean, i was as dominant as some of them and i'm not that ugly thooo (ok maaf the current nedita have a super high self esteem) and i keep questioning myself the same question until one day i watched a movie named 'The Clique'.

Brief explanation, it's a movie about girls clique and they are exclusive as fuck and suddenly a basic girl named Claire came into their life and kinda ruin everything. One day Claire asked one of her friend i don't remember the exact words but the point is "why people always treat them more special than any others?" and her friend answered "because they think they are".

THAT LINE has woke me up like baaamm this is what i was looking for the whole time. Even though it took me years to finally understand the real meaning of 'you are what you think', i'm happy that i found the answer to all my insecurities.

In junior high, i met some girls who's just like the girl's group in my elementary school, but better. All of them were like pretty and smart and fashionable etc etc and magically they indirectly invited me to join them which at that moment i wondered why??? i'm not even qualified as everything that they were. But they were so kind and real (and we still remains friends until now!) and they're the one who contributed a lot of my self esteem that i've got now. 

By being one of them, i finally knew what it feels like to be 'seen', what it feels like to be jealoused at by other girls, what it feels like to be talked about, what it feels like to be known by a lot of people in both good and bad way, and it really built my self esteem, but still, without me knowing and understanding the real meaning of the 'you are what you think'

As you know in senior high i was separated with them since i became their juniors hahaha so it's a whole new society for me. At first i had this kind of weird feeling about my friends, like i'm afraid i couldn't have the exclusive squad like what i used to. But magically, i mean i don't know how, me, the weird girl in elementary school, attracted those kind of girls to be in my inner circle without me even trying! shooked??? wkwkwk. I have the same type of squad in high school (and even better because we have a fewer member than my past squad so the connection between us are more intimate) and not being shady at all but i felt like i gave each of my inner circle friends a 'spotlight' by just being my friends. And i have no idea how the fuck i became this person but yeah this is what i am now.

In college... hahaha. I have a lot of time to think even deeper about myself and who i actually am, and i have friends who's open minded enough to share each other's stories and deep insecurities. And by the way the same path happened again in my college society, well it's even more easier than ever. All i did was literally NOTHING and 'those kind of girls' came to me just in a blink of an eye. And all of sudden this squad with a bunch of pretty and easily 'seen' girls are like the most eye-catching squad in my society.

OKAY WE'RE FINALLY DONE WITH MY BORING STORY and now it's time to jump into the main topic.

The fact that i changed to be a whole new person with a whole lot better personality in a few years made me think deeper until i finally back into the movie line and relating all of the things that happened with my life with that line. 

You, are what you think
What's on your mind, represents the 'you' outside

I was a "not eyecatching" girl in elementary, because i thought i was. I've seen girls that were better than me in physical aspects and i felt like less human compared to them. I thought i was unattractive and i'm not matched to be their friends therefore i wasn't. I tried to change my appearance in junior high and i got into the 'it' clique, but i still thought of myself an unattractive girl. 

As the time goes by i changed, just because i finally found the fact that physical appearance means nothing more since i have the power to attract any kind of human that i like to be my friends. I'm deep down a kind person, and i'm humble, and i treat everyone the same way no matter if they're special or not. That's what i think of myself right now based on everything that i've done to all my friends. And by that thought my mind somehow embracing it into my daily life to be an even more kind, even more humble person, and always treat everyone the same way. Being a special person made me realize that we are still nobody to not treating people the same way. Kasarannya, who the fuck are you to act like you're so special until you could treat people differently the way you desire?

Now i'm wondering, would my life be the same if i didn't change my own perspective of myself? would i be the current me if i didn't think that i'm a better person inside and outside? And the answer is obviously NO.

What's on your mind, only you could take control of that. People cannot see it, it's all yours and yours to make. And just by a small little thought you define yourself, that's gonna be what you are outside. Trust me cause i've experienced this, from nobody to finally somebody, at least in my society. You are the one who know your own value, and all of it starts from your own mind. 

If you think you're not pretty, then people will somehow think the same way. I mean like this. You're the one who think of yourself 'not pretty' and you expect people to think that you are? still possible. But it's quite hard. If you have just a liiiitle thought of yourself, nggak muluk muluk deh just as simple as "well, i look good today." people will somehow see that in you cause that thought is like shining outta you somehow. You think you look good, and that thought will raise your self esteem for that whole day even just a bit, because you thought you are.

Well i didn't thought it would be this hard to explain this but i do reaaally hope that you understand what i've been saying.

So, please, starts from now, think every good aspects of yourself. Reduce every thought that make you feel like you're less, and start adding positive perspective of yourself into your own mind. Believe me, that thought will embrace you as a person in your daily life and if you keep doing it everyday, imagine what kind of a better person you would be in a week? or in a month?

If you're that kind of person who finds it hard to think of your own good aspects (well i have a friend who faced this too), maybe you could start by listing your blessings. I mean well you're alive and you could read this post and that is counted as a blessing too. If counting your blessings is still a hardwork for you, maybe you should try to be more grateful before doing this kind of self theraphy hehehe.

I said it's a self theraphy, because i wanna persuade all of you to try this method that had changed me to be a better person. Just as simple as counting your blessings or just compliment or give credit to yourself every single day (well i'm still doing this one like everyday in front of my mirror right before i go to college and that really made my self esteem for the whole day)

FOR EXAMPLE: I'm not that pretty but i always said to myself "BITCH YOU LOOK SO FUCKING PRETTY EVERYDAY" and now i've never feel less human than everyone in my circle even if there's a lot of prettier girls than me, i dont care. All i care about is how happy and grateful i am everyday to feel pretty and lookin good always.

So please just do it everyday from now on okay??? It's for your own sake of mental health hahahaha jancok ngomong opose :(

CAUTION: overdoing this might lead to 'kepedean' (which i am now wkwk) but that's okay tho as long as you could control it. And for meee kepeedean is a better thing than always being insecure, right??? :D

See you on the next post bitchas!
Nedita <3

Friday, August 25, 2017

A Missing Piece

Hey everyone :-)

I'm currently in a 'not so good but also not so bad' situation and mental health. I mean, i'm now on my 2nd week of college life and it's quite... confusing. Actually no it's not confusing it's just that, you know, i got this mixed feeling about everything that might happen in the future. I've set my goals (on my goalsboard as always) yet i still feel like that's not enough.

I dont really understand about this mixed feelings that i 'm feeling right now but i'm trying the best that i could to translate it into words. I'm gonna start from everything new that i got in college.

My classes are fine. I mean i haven't got any challenging tasks or lecturers so far but of course i will face lots of challenges in the future. My lecturers are doing fine, some of them are super boring. I always slept in one of my class (i have 2 classes in a day and i always sleep mostly on the first class).

My new friends are okay. Some of them really get along with me easily, some of them im... sorta avoid just because i dont feel like im gonna be a good friend with them. And what i love about this people is i could be more "myself" in front of them. For example, okay this might sounds disgusting but whenever i'm feeling horny as fuck i could just say it out loud and they don't even mind CAUSE THEY'RE LIKE SO OPEN MINDED and sometimes they are just as wild as i am or even wilder :')

My friends are just fine... my classes are just fine... But i always feel like there's something that i haven't done or haven't got. I feel like there's something missing in this part of my transition life from a high school student to a college student. AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS THAT. Well i actually think that might be caused of this 'no lover and no one to love' situation but im not really sure... What's that? What's this missing piece???

If you have any idea, tell me.

But one thing i know for sure is that i do need a boyfriend, or at least someone to talk to. To share each other's thoughts, to laugh and joking around together (lol im a sanguins i do really love to joke literally about almost anything), to go somewhere trying some new cafe or watch movies, to be my number one supporter and to be the one i always come to whenever something's not right. I need that person.

That, might be the missing part that i need. Just maybe, i'm not really sure about it. In fact, i'm not really sure about anything for now. Anything could happen. I could change, my habits could change. My friends could change. Everything could change just in a second even before i realize it's changing.

And to be honest, i'm not sure if i want the change.

(i don't know how to end this pointless and confusing post so i'm just gonna leave it there. xoxo, Nedita <3 )

p.s: i'm writing this while listening to ardhito pramono's songs on youtube lol if only i found someone like him in my surroundings i would definitely in love with him.

Friday, May 19, 2017

My Vanity Case

Happy Friday everyoneee !
FINALLY i made this post! Hahaha. I've been waiting for the right time to take pics of every details of my vanity case (including all the items) since now a freelance makeup artist had became my main occupation. So i'd love to share with you all of my makeup that i brought whenever i had a client.
But i'm not gonna go all-detailed into the products because it will take a lot of time obviously.

So yesterday i just had 2 clients for graduation makeup (you can check all of my work on my makeup insta @makeupbynedita) and tomorrow i'll have another 2 clients, one for graduation and one for birthday. Today is a day off, so i decided to do some quick cleaning on my case and huge cleaning on some of my brushes and sponges.

As you can see, basically my case has 5 sections, The main section is the one in the middle, right in front of the mirror. The others are those in the left and right wings. Let's go to the main section first.

I stored all of my foundation, brushes, sponges, moisturizer, some of my primers, and also my translucent powders in the main section. I also stored 2 palettes here because they're too big to be stored in the wings section. I put all of my brush together in this geometrical paper box that i got from  one of Gogirl! Magz edition years ago hahaha. Actually i planned to buy the real brush tube for my brushes but i haven't found one that is affordable.

Those are my foundation and all of them are liquids. And if you're asking me 'do i really use all of them for clients?', the answer is yes. For one client i usually mix 3 or 4 foundations to build up the exact coverage or consistency that needed. I also planned to invest in some cream or stick foundation to make the consistency even thicker. For now, my holy grail foundation is the Milani Conceal + Perfect Foundation. Mine is in the shade 06 Sand Beige, and i really love the result. It is high coverage (and still works wonders even if you built them up) and it leaves your skin a silky matte finish which i really love. The only cons i have with this foundation is that the color oxidize. I haven't figured out why maybe it's just my dull skin or i have the wrong shade or i didn't set it nicely, well i don't know. But then i found the way to hide the oxidation of this foundie. All i have to do is to mix it with my Revlon Colorstay which is the lightest shade i have in my vanity. It will automatically helps the oxidation from the Milani's.

These two are the wide palettes that i stored in the main section. They are L.A Colors I Heart Contour Palette and an Oriflame Eyeshadow Palette (idk what the name is). And yes, the contour palette is the only palette that i ALWAYS use on all of my clients (besides my huge sephora palette, of course. It doens't even fit in the case). The oriflame one, i barely touch it actually. I just open it up whenever i need some pop of colors for my eyeshadows (i usually only use neutral shades). 

Moving on to the right wing...

There is a couple sections on each wing. And now i'm gonna talk about the upper section first just because this is my favorite : LIPS SECTION! HAAHAHAHA. I know, lipstick is every woman's true bestfriend (ululu). Here we go, my lipsticks, creams, and glosses collection!

You know those days when you're so broke and you can't decide which foundation to buy, but then you ended up ordering lipsticks from online shop? Yep. That's me. It's very easy for me to spend my money on these babies. 

I have a quite enough variety for lipsticks. But i'm not the 'lippie junkie' who collects all lipstick shades etc. I only bought lipsticks when i need to, maybe if i haven't had that one color in my collection, i'd go for it. But personally i'm the 'cool-toned and purple lips'-kind of a girl. And i'm not into warm-peachy-orange shades. So the colors that i own are mostly are pinks and purples :) These two babies are now my current most-favorite! It's Posie K from Kylie Cosmetics and Colourpop Ultra Matte Lip in Viper <3

The section below is the 'Glue and Friends' section. Lol i actually just named it 3 secs ago while writing this sentence. I wanna name it 'the random section' but later i have another 'more random section' so yeah i just have to find another name for this one. But yep the items i stored here are mostly falsies glues. But i also stored my blush palette and another eyeshadow palette and my mascara. 

My favorite item in this section is my blush palette, it's from Nicka K and it is super cheap yet super pigmented. It contains 4 pans of blushes, and all-matte. Sadly as i said before i'm a cool-toned-kind of girl (eventhough my skin is fucking warm but for lips and blushes i prefer the cool-toned ones), these blush doesn't contain any cool-toned blush. They actually come in 3 colors for this palette and there's one that have all pink blushes and 2 of them are cool-toned. I'm looking forward to purchase that soon (or maybe a cream blush? i haven't decide it yet).

Next stop is the actual 'Random Section' :')

As you can see i stored the *non-faction* items here. There are face primers, pencukur alis (idk whats the english word for this), lip balms, another mascara, nail scissors (since i have no small scissors to cut the ends of falsies i brought this in my case because it's small and basically do the same job ((: ), wedge sponges, brow pencils, pressed powder, and blush. My favorite item in this section is, obviously, brow pencils. I use them 24/7 and literally can't live without them. I even have a dipbrow pomade from Anastasia Beverly Hills but these two Viva Cosmetics pencils will always be the winner.

And finally, the last section. I named this 'The Coverage Section' hahaha. This section contains all of my concealers, HD powder, and face correctors. I also stored eyeliners, some falsies, and brow pomade here.

I don't know what to say about this section. Basically this is the section where almost all the items has the same function: to hide flaws. All of my concealers are L.A Girl HD Concealers and my color corrector is from City Color. Oh, and my favorite item in this section goes to my Bare Minerals Original Foundation Powder. I only use this powder for birthday clients or important events. And i'm not using a lot of it since it's a full coverage powder and using just a little bit is enough to smoothen the appearance of your skin. And yes it is so pricey wkwk thats why i'm not going extra with this one.

The one jar i wrapped in tissue is a gold pigment powders for eyeshadows or body highlighter. I just wrapped it in tissue because the packaging isn't quite tight so the glitters are like spread everywhere in this section. 

And for the exterior of my case, it is black with full glitters on the surface. I really love it instead of the basic black one because it looks more fancy haha. It doesn't have wheels since it's medium sized beauty case and still fit into the airplane cabin. It comes with 4 yellow lamps that i changed into white because it's just appears better. It also comes with ceklekan (IDK WHATS THE ENGLISH WOrD man) to secure and it also provides key to lock the case. Which i never use. But yeah that's it about my case. Oh! and i bought in Pengampon Market in Surabaya for about 3,500k in Rupiahs. And it's from the brand Gladking.

Okay so that's it finally we're reaching the end of this post because i'm actually so fucking sleepy i need to take a long-long nap :v Hope you enjoy this vanity tour and hope this is helpful, if you have any question just comment down below or reach me via instagram @neditafarah.

See you on the next post!
xo xo,
Nedita <3